John Galliano has yet to find his footing since he was dismissed from Dior and his own namesake label following his famous drunken anti-semitic rant which landed him in court two years ago.  For the first time since the scandal, John has spoken on getting sober and feeling sick about his own actions. Speaking on the rant which destroyed his entire career, Galliano says that he has no idea why he said what he said except that at the time he was filled with self-loathing which manifested itself in such a horrible way:

“It’s the worst thing I have said in my life, but I didn’t mean it. . . . I have been trying to find out why that anger was directed at this race. I now realize I was so f*cking angry and so discontent with myself that I just said the most spiteful thing I could.”

The designer says that he didn’t even remember saying the things he said and he was physically sick when he saw the video evidence which his assistant had to show him:

“When everyone came over to tell me that I had done these terrible things, I was walking round and round and round not really knowing what had gone down. My assistant told me about the video. When I saw it, I threw up. The feeling was like I was about to take a step out onto the street and a bus or truck whooshed past me and the blood was drained from my legs.”

Opening up on the last two years following the pivotal moment, Galliano says he is actually thankful for what took place because it took such a dramatic turn in events to make him realize that there was something wrong and now he is hungry for design again:

“It sounds a bit bizarre, but I am so grateful for what did happen. I have learned so much about myself. I have rediscovered that little boy who had the hunger to create, which I think I had lost. I am alive.”